Hello, it's nice to meet you...

Self discovery... self healing... self pity... self loathing...
We lift ourselves up, we put ourselves down...

Merriam-Webster's website definition of "Self":
1: a: the entire person of an individual b: the realization or embodiment of an abstraction
3: the union of elements (as body, emotions, thoughts, and sensations) that constitute the individuality and identity of a person. [http://i.word.com]

So the identity of the entire self can be defined by totalling the contributions made by the body, mind and spirit... interesting.

Let me give you a little introduction to myself.

I am a 26 years old stay-at-home mom with a B.A. in English and an Esthetics license.  I was laid-off over two years ago and despite having applied to several hundred jobs (not even joking), I am still home with my wonderful little boy.  I have been struggling with my health for most of my life. Not just my weight--that has actually been a more recent struggle (dating back about 8 years now).  As a child, I struggled with a pretty severe tachycardia which was resolved (or so we thought) by a catheter procedure in 1996.  Thereafter I struggled with self loathing--as most teenagers do.  I deprived myself of food for a small time, but equally as serious: deprived myself of love.  I struggled with cystic acne which depleted my spirits of any confidence. After trying just about every medication and cream possible, a short encounter with a vegan diet cleared my face up considerably.  This was ended quickly due to my love affair with cheese.

In college, the love affair continued. I gained weight--rapidly.  Binge eating and finding comfort through consumption was how I got through every day.  When I met the wonderful man who is now my husband, I had gained a lot of weight (and he had just lost 60 lbs). He instantly saw through my extra poundage and my panic disorder and fell in love with me. Love didn't mean that he was going to just let me drown myself in Parmesan.  He is by no means an enabler. Some have commented that he is too critical... but that is just what this ol' slacker needed.

Soon after meeting the man of my dreams, I started coming down with weird symptoms. I thought it was just my panic disorder making me a hypochondriac, but I started seeking out doctors anyway. A gastroenterologist for my stomach pains, and other issues, a cardiologist for my heart palpitations, a pulmonologist for a tightness in my chest, an neurologist for cognitive slowness and inability to focus... the list goes on and on. My family doctor has grown to know me too well.  And through all the testing we discovered that at my young age, I had cholesterol higher than most 40+ year old men and fatty liver disease. They accused me of binge drinking (which is completely the opposite of the truth; I hardly drink.)  I however accused cheese of being the biggest offender but kept up the love affair anyway.  I did, however go vegetarian.  And after discovering a severe soy allergy, went soy free as well.  I lost 50 lbs within 10 months from this combination.  But the story continues...

This past November, almost 7 years since the start of my symptoms, my family doctor decided to test me again for autoimmune diseases--this time adding in Sjogren's Disease.  My mom and uncle both have Multiple Sclerosis and so I potentially had a higher risk for an autoimmune disease. Oddly enough, he called me while I was sitting at Burger King with my son eating a large pack of fries. When I saw his number come up on my cell phone, I knew he had an answer.  He told me I had tested positive for a Sjogren's antibody--and he suspected I had fibromyalgia as well.  I had never heard of Sjogren's at that time so of course I was freaking out inside wondering about what this meant for my past, present and future. 

I saw my Rheumatologist twice before deciding something very important:  I don't want to take medicine for the rest of my life.  Especially medicine with a potential to create a metallic buildup behind my eye (??).  I told her this and she encouraged me to search for answers in other ways--nutrition being a good start.  Now, unfortunately there are not that many specialists anymore that will not only accept your decision to not take a medicine but to support it and encourage doing it "naturally" or "holistically"... wow.  I like this lady.

I had been reading some books by Dr. Joel Fuhrman for some time at this point (thanks to my chiropractor who had been saving me from debilitating pain from two car accidents.) Dr. Fuhrman claimed that by eating a high nutrient diet and by taking away other foods, he had helped people with Lupus virtually rid themselves of symptoms.  Other doctors have been doing similar things by using nutrition to heal the body.  There must be something to this whole notion of re-fueling your body.

So here I am now.  Vegan as of the day after Christmas, suffering slightly emotionally from an intense longing for my cheese. I am sure it will get better--this is only the beginning of my journey.  But I absolutely cannot forget to focus on being well rounded.  That means working on my spiritual self (I am a devoted Christian) as well as on my mental health (working through my panic attacks and slight depression).  You will see more about these sides of me as I share more posts!

And now, adieu for now.  My husband and almost 4 year old son are playing hockey in my living room right in front of me... my husband all decked out in his goalie pads... this has bad idea written all over it.

Yours,
Kelly